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The Funnies

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February 17, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10 Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something

9 Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler

8 Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"

7 Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors

6 Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits

5 Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso

4 Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy

3 Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products

2 Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"

1 Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

February 16, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Abraham lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today

10 "Sup?"

9 "I see Madonna's still a slut"

8 "Who's that handsome sumbitch on the five?"

7 "Is that free Grand Slam deal still going on at Denny's?"

6 "I just changed my Facebook status update to, Tthe 'ol rail splitter is chillaxing'"

5 "How do I get on 'Dancing with the Stars'?"

4 "Okay, Obama, you're from Illinois, too. We get it!"

3 "Hey Phelps, don't Bogart the weed!"

2 "What's the deal with Joaquin Phoenix?"

1 "A Broadway play? Uhhh, no thanks. I'm good."

January 28, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10 "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"

9 "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop"

8 "Smoke break!"

7 "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"

6 "Mr. President: don't misunderestimate the Republicans"

5 "Another smoke break!"

4 "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"

3 "About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?"

2 "Sir, it's refreshing to have a Chief Executive who speaks in complete sentences"

1 "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

January 27, 2009 - David Letterman - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10 Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"

9 Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop

8 Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOYYYJEVICH"

7 Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest

6 Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape

5 Change his name to Barod Obamavich

4 Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River

3 I don't about showing up for his impeachment trial?

2 Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!"

1 Uhhh...resign?

January 16, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Signs Obama's Getting Nervious

10 New slogan: "Yes we can... or maybe not, it's hard to say"

9 In moment of confusion, requested a $300 billion bailout from the bailout industry

8 He's up to not smoking three packs a day

7 Friends say he's looking frail, shaky, that's McCain

6 He's so stressed, doctors say he's developing a Sanjay in his Gupta

5 Been walking around muttering, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

4 Offered Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, $100,000 to buy his old Senate seat back

3 Standing on White House roof screaming, "Save us, Superman!"

2 Sweating like Bill Clinton when Hillary comes home early

1 He demanded a recount

January 8, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

10 Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon

9 End our dependence on foreign owls

8 Sell New Mexico to Mexico

7 Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock!

6 Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs

5 Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch

4 Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase

3 Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt

2 Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China

1 Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

January 7, 2000 - David Letterman - Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents' Lunch

10 "Sorry, you're not on the list, Mr. Gore"

9 "If Hillary calls, I've been here since Monday"

8 "Laura! More Mountain Dew!"

7 "You guys wanna see, 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'?"

6 "Call the nurse -- George swallowed a napkin ring!"

5 "Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that's right, you have to work!"

4 "Kissey kissey"

3 "Obama? I think he's downstairs smoking a butt"

2 "Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?"

1 "I hope Clinton's unbuckling his belt because he's full"

Recent Articles Calendar

October 2011
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Barack Obama Made It Worse - Clunkers And Iraq

Barack Obama made it worse. More evidence every day. More material for Republican truth ads every day.

Here is the last campaign speech, the last list of questions for voters, that Republicans in 2012 will make:

“Next Tuesday is Election Day. Next Tuesday all of you will go to the polls, will stand [...]

Is It Easter Sunday Or Yet Another April Fools' Day?

As Jews eat the ancestral bread of affliction and Christians celebrate the Risen Christ, we are scratching our heads wondering if the calendar is off by 23 days. We find ourselves trapped, like Bill Murray in the film Groundhog Day, doomed to repeat over and over and over again, not Groundhog Day, but April [...]

Barack Obama In Tora Bora, Hillary Clinton In Clover

Those mischievous scoundrels at HotAir have tickled our pink funny bone today. Before we state why we are giggling so, let’s examine the difference between the George W. Bush “dead-enders” and the Barack H. Obama “dead-enders”.

The Bush dead-enders agreed with their leader on a great deal of his policy proposals even if [...]

It Finally Happens: Obama Finds A Daddy While AWOL South American Way

There was a time when an American president at least pretended to care when he sent American women and American men in harm’s way. Not so in this new golden age of celestial choirs.

In this our Mess-iah utopia, an American plane crashes in a hostile land, crew lives in danger, but President [...]

Obama At War With Hillary Clinton And General McChrystal (The New Shinseki)

Hillary Clinton has responded and thrown a grenade in the secret war. The war between Hillary Clinton, joined now by General McChrystal and others, against Barack Obama continues sub rosa. We wrote about this war and how Obama was “waging a secret war on Hillary Clinton” on January 7, 2010 and featured an [...]

Mystic Chords - Memorial Day 2010 - Fallen Into Shadow

Memorial Day was born in the wake of the American Civil War. Today, we pause to remember the fallen. Today the nation pauses to remember those who gave their lives that the nation may live.

Some of those we pause to honor today, fell long ago. Left to mourn is the [...]

Mistake In '08, Part IV - The White Working Class And Health Care

Those poor pot-bellied hicks, with missing teeth and outdated hairstyles, bad eating habits of melted cheese and beer with a Pepsi on the side, are not dumb. They are not dumb at all. They know when they are lied to and they know when they are condescended to as well. The real [...]

Assassination Laughs, Gaffs, and Pratfalls

It’s Three Kings Day, also known as The Epiphany (or Theophany in the East). Three Kings Day is a Christian feast day celebrated in many countries particularly those whose populations worship as part of the Eastern Christian Church. Three Kings Day is also a popular holiday in places like Puerto Rico. In [...]

Obama Screws America; Obama Gets Nobel Gold

Update: The Nobel farce helps Big Pink make the point that narcissistic celebrity Obama is gifted what he does not deserve. Obama worshipers are now forced to see what we have been saying for years about Obama: “You haven’t done nothing.”

We are amazed but not amused
By all the things you say that [...]

Days Of Atonement

On Thanksgiving Day Americans consider and reflect on the past year and give thanks for what they have received. On New Year’s Day, Americans, after consideration and reflection, look forward and plan what they wish to accomplish in 365 days.

American Jews and Jews worldwide have an additional day of reflection called Yom Kippur, the [...]